Ellipses of 2018

I don’t want this to read like an essay writing contest piece so I’ll be as authentic as I can which means I’ll be throwing all those grammar rules to the bin. Yes. me here reflecting is not a teacher. My birthday and the new year’s eve passed with me slacking off the usual pen-wine night where I practically gnaw on regrets cloaked in cliche ‘lesson learned’ and doodle on goals I usually forget in a week. Funny how the universe required me to stick to this habit and how it seemed to force me to get all adult up and serious this time. Lolz.

2017 was heck challenging emotionally. I questioned a lot of old beliefs and learnings only to find myself firmly grounded on eons-old held values on family, friendship, and hope for the future. Looking back, this 2-year fellowship gave me a glimpse of a better future only possible if everyone will put their stakes in it. We were blessed that our community engagement project was received positively, almost all agreed that they needed to upskill their technological know-how to perform efficiently and effectively. Knowing the difference of the two is a work in progress. Interacting with these teachers who gave so much of themselves were my daily highlights, of course there are a few who raised my eyebrows, but generally, their generosity to share what they have despite their personal issues at home is inspirational. As a team, we’ve decided to know the ins of the community and right timing to step back. The leadership training we were able to conduct, Mik’s commitment in sports coaching, Jeanne’s design in ecosaver pubmats, these are only few of the projects we shared.

Through and through, I am most proud of how we remained intact as a team. Even when we have junctures of lapse of judgement every now and then, we’re quick to confront to resolve and last to attack to destroy. We remain friends in spite all, friends that actually care.

Deep down, you and I know that happiness doesn’t come in obtaining the prize. It comes in the pursuit. That’s why we’re always taught how imperative it is that we are constantly pursuing new goals, coiled in commitment, integrity, and later on excellence.

In a few months from now we will have losses. These losses include not only separations and departures from those who truly matter, but the conscious and unconscious losses of romantic dreams, impossible expectations, illusions of freedom and power, inhibitions of safety – and the loss of my younger self, the self that once persevered to be unwrinkled, invulnerable, and immortal. I am wrinkled, highly vulnerable, and non-negotiably mortal. I have come to realize that losses are inescapable fact. But really, am I losing them? I will forever wonder where Jeric is and make sure that there will be no more Jeric’s who seemed paralyzed of fear to read a syllable. I’ll hope to heavens to have a discerning heart and skillful ears to catch struggling learners early on to help them better.

I am sparing rooms for God-planned surprises. In the deepest pit of my recesses, I pray silently, sometimes in between sobs for moments, possibilities, innocence, affirmation, rekindled and new friendships, destined love, adventure, victory, health, affluence, and renewed closeness of family. I pray for the colossal ambitions of old, to still work for education and welfare of the educators, for the thought-impassable and the incredibly beauty of compassion in knowledge to blow me away.

Pushing my boundaries has been a most rewarding exercise. I did it when I already knew what I want and do not want and have the power to stick to that – advocate learning and education. I sought adventures and new things but thankfully not to the point of self-destruction. Or so I’m convinced, too many yes-es can be a major exhaustion pit.

It’s been crazy and lovely and lonely and hard. But at the end of the day, when I can still laugh at myself, sing with defiant happiness with the children’s laughter on the loop in my mind, and look the world in my deep-seated eyes, I know it’s worth it.

I’m a dreamer, writer, lover, teacher, believer.And I look at 2018 with burning hope, with intense prayer, with a heart that can beat out of my chest in mad, mad hope.

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